Have you ever experienced a perfect day yet felt some sort of unknown angst in your spirit and you didn’t exactly know why?
Today was one of those days. The weather forecasted light rain coming in from the Gulf off and on all day. Navy clouds hovered over east beach early this morning but by 8:00 they had dissipated and the sky was soft blue with puffy clouds over us all day. The wind blew in from the east; something that had not happened nearly all summer. One of the ladies I met at the star gazing party a couple of weeks ago said when the wind blows in from the east the fishing is the best.
My husband and I headed out to the beach this morning rather late for us; he on a walk, and I on the mountain bike. I was going to try to go further on the sand on this bike and I did! I learned that cycling closer to the surf was better; the sand was packed down much harder than the lighter sand closer to the dunes. It was a great ride.
My son called to say hello shortly after I returned from the bike ride. Seems he is frustrated at his job, the one that was practically handed to him from above back in mid January. But no one even says hello to me, he complained. Remember how hard it was to get work the first time, I reminded him. He was now considering how great it would to travel as a missionary for eleven months in eleven countries. Well, I said, it’s grueling hard stuff too. And not everyone likes what you have to say, the weather and terrain can be mean and nasty and yes, you have to raise your own support and it’s hard work. I kept thinking, he has such great ideas, but not always willing to work at making it happen. When it becomes hard, well, I’m done he seems to have a habit of saying. Later in the afternoon, I saw his Facebook post: “Today is my last day.” That’s exactly when the angst hit me.
As we began digging the four holes at the back of our beach home property for the crepe myrtles my husband and I found on sale for 5 bucks a piece at Lowe’s, I just couldn’t shake the uneasiness. How good you are to Beloved and me, God, I kept thinking. Why don’t I have some peace about it? And then I asked Jesus, “Help me know your peace.” He did. He told me down deep in my spirit, “I have Joe.” And then, I sensed such a relief. His hand was on my shoulder, comforting me. I knew then, as I had not really cared to know down deep before. I owned it now, the reality that He, Jesus, has my son. There’s only one thing I, the Mom, can do for him. Have been doing for him. Praying for him. Lifting him up in prayer nearly all day. Even before I saw that post.
I have this, Jesus says. I have your son. I, the Lord, have you. I have your burdens. I have it all. So you can rest in me. Only me. Right now. My son has chosen to hang on to his job and continue to learn, focus, and be content where he is. Learning process.
“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” John 14:27